My heart is heavy; the muscles in my back and shoulders haven’t relaxed in months. And, if I’m being honest, I’m not sure they’ve relaxed much at all throughout my entire life.
I am, first, a daughter to two loving parents, neither able to finish their college degrees. I have memories of my father, an immigrant from the Philippines, taking computer systems courses at night at the local college. My mother, often working a full-time job and doing part-time contractual work to make the dollars and cents go together, got up even earlier in the morning so she could work a full day and then be at home for my brother and me when the school day ended. They are two of the most creative, thoughtful, and hard-working people I know, and I don’t need a credential to see that.
I am a new (and young, and female, and biracial) dean of admissions and financial aid at one of the best colleges in the United States. I’ve taken a very different path than the plan (pediatrician then lawyer then professor) and find myself amidst a health pandemic, a social pandemic, and a dramatic decline in applications to college from students who come from families like mine. The irony of sitting at the helm of a division that invites students to apply to college is not lost on me. It’s a poignant reminder that we may all be in the same storm, but we are navigating it in different boats.
So, to the first-generation college students, I am sorry. I am sorry that we did not see you sooner. I am sorry we have not made ourselves accessible. I am sorry that I’ve contributed to missing what you’re experiencing by using language indicating life has slowed down these last few months when the reality of your world is that life has quickened.
Financial pressures are real. Familial responsibilities looming. I have felt them. I feel them. I am a daughter, first.
So, what do we do?
There’s school, and it’s definitely not normal right now. There’s our family’s health and well-being, which is tenuous in the best of times. There’s a job on the table. Our family needs us. We need us.
