I have never truly feared the antipathy of those who disdain me, but like a gut punch from Muhammad Ali, I am dishearteningly afraid of the silence of my friends.
One of Mama’s signature statements, often made to me when she was frustrated because I had taken a personal risk too big for her comfort: “I have never known you to be properly afraid of anything.” I could have said the same thing to her, but meant it as a compliment when she sometimes meant it as an admonition of motherly love.
Well, Mama, if only you were still here, you would witness my genuine and profoundly sad fear for the first time because I am not at all sure who will stand with me anymore.
Dr. Chris Gilmer
I was not afraid when many of my countrymen and women disagreed with me, when they exercised their right to exclude me from their religions, because I needed a legal marriage, not a religious one, and I understand civil disagreement as the American way. I was not afraid the first time they denied me equal rights as an LGBTQ+ citizen, naively content in my youth to be persecuted as long as I was not prosecuted. I am no longer young.
I was concerned, but not even afraid when they demonized me simply for being who I am so that it would be easier for them to nurture the apathy of my friends and allies. Yes, I was slow to become properly afraid, but I am there now. Will this nation’s laws be rewritten to exclude my family from their protection?
“The issues you are concerned about just don’t affect my family…Nothing has been taken away from you so far…Why isn’t a power of attorney enough protection…You are just overreacting.” These are not the recent words of my oppressors. These are the recent words of my friends. They bruise. They sting. They demoralize.
I am finally and properly afraid because, in this last election cycle, many of those who claim to love me, and perhaps who really do love me as they understand the word, voted for their own comfort and, yes, some of them for their prejudices over my most fundamental right simply to exist. In short, they prioritized “the economy,” whatever that really means against the backdrop of basic human rights, above my right to remain married to my spouse of 23 years, their right to claim my Social Security if I die before them, and our fundamental right to be treated as the family we are in critical medical situations. Make no mistake, misguided Americans with fear and loathing for people like me are now coming for these rights and many others, and the people I thought would stand with me, the people I have stood alongside in so many of their personal struggles, are nowhere to be found. Millions who might not know me personally, but whom I have counted on to be like-minded, also seem to be sitting this one out.
