Anyone who knows me personally knows that I try my best to avoid conflict. I am not confrontational, so when I witness something wrong or feel the need to speak up, I often take the time to think about how I would like to address the situation.
However, microaggressions, discriminatory remarks, or distasteful comments made by a stranger who you may not ever interact with again, often require an immediate response in order to have an impact on the wrongdoer — who often is completely unaware of how off-putting their words or actions can be.
But if you are not equipped with the tools to do this effectively, what do you do? Sometimes I think, “Why even bother?” But in the political and polarizing climate we live in today, not doing something only adds to the problem, allowing ignorance (for the few who mean well) or blatant disrespect to continue.
Ironically, these types of interactions happened most often during my time in college and graduate school. Fortunately, I have been surrounded by brave and outspoken peers and mentors who have modeled different ways of how to deal with these situations tactfully. There are some tactics that I have learned that fit my calm nature.
Correct the person and move on with your day.
As a graduate student pursuing a master’s degree in 2013, I was part of the research team for the New York City Black and Latino Male High School Achievement Study. Throughout the Spring 2013 academic semester, the research team visited 40 high schools in New York City and interviewed 415 high-achieving Black and Latino men to understand how they persisted and succeeded in school. The research team was comprised of a professor, a postdoctoral fellow, three Ph.D. students, and nine master’s students, all from the University of Pennsylvania Graduate School of Education.
All self-identified Black and Latino men, this research project allowed each of us to meet “ourselves” as we often reflected on how much of our stories we saw in the young men we interviewed.
