I was always too loud as a kid. I was talkative in class whether that meant raising my hand to ask questions or getting in trouble for chatting with my classmates. I drove my parents crazy with how often and how vocally I questioned their authority. I loved to talk, even if that meant to argue, so I joined the Speech and Debate team in high school. My senior year, I was the captain of the team while also performing in the school play. I did not have a microphone, so of course I projected as loud as I could into the audience.
In a way, my loudness is a contradiction of the stereotypes that Asians, particularly Asian women, are supposed to embody. Though my parents would probably deny it now, I think they wished I were bit more reserved, obedient, and demure as a teenager. They wanted me to practice the piano without complaining, take practice SAT tests without arguing, and obey their instructions. It would have been a lot easier for them if I had been a more stereotypically and characteristically “Asian daughter.”
The ongoing debate on whether affirmative action discriminates against Asian American students made me reflect on what unique characteristics define this Asian-ness. In 2019, a federal judge ruled that Harvard’s admissions policies did not intentionally discriminate against Asian Americans, and the Justice Department dropped a similar lawsuit against Yale on Wednesday. However, Students for Fair Admissions, the organization that sued Harvard, is picking up the Yale lawsuit and refiling it under their name.
While reading through the details of both lawsuits, I had to ask: what was the reason for the slightly lower personal ratings that Asian Americans received, and what got me, an Asian American, into college in the first place? I didn’t have the highest GPA in high school, nor the highest SAT scores. However, I was accepted into the University of Pennsylvania, an Ivy League school, when many of my peers were not. They pulled as many all-nighters as I did, and they were involved in as many clubs. What set me apart?
According to Judge Allison Burrough’s Findings of Fact, Harvard admissions officers are advised to look for “qualities of character” such as “courage,” “judgment,” “resilience,” “citizenship,” and “spirit and camaraderie with peers” to determine an applicant’s personal rating. These traits are valued in various cultures; however, the issue lies in how they are interpreted differently in each one.
I believe that luck had a lot to do with my admission to Penn. But if I had to pick a single reason why I was accepted over my peers, it would be my loudness—my brazen, verbally inquisitive, sometimes argumentative, “I will fight to overcome”-ness. My loudness that constantly upset my conservative, immigrant parents was an easily recognizable representation of the qualities that admissions officers look for.
On the contrary, modesty and humility are valued over confidence in my parents’ Korean culture. Remaining quiet is a sign of respect, and being outspoken can be interpreted as rudeness, especially to one’s elders. Getting along and having everyone be happy is more important than being right. You don’t argue. You make peace.
